Parenting of a different kind
by BelWriter
Summary: When Tsuna was little, he lost his mother in a tragic fire and his father was never around to care for him. Thankfully, two people on an extended vacation from Italy take him in and raise him as their own. This is fine and all, but the two parents who took him in have this weird thing about guns, have tons of military experience, and are the size of infants.


Summary: When Tsuna was little, he lost his mother in a tragic fire and his father was never around to care for him. Thankfully, two people on an extended vacation from Italy take him in and raise him as their own (couple years later). This is fine and all, but the two parents who took him in have this weird thing about guns, have tons of military experience, have odd animal companions (despite one being a bug), and last Tsuna checked, little two year olds shouldn't be considered legal adults.

Notice: I had this story sitting in Google Docs for.. Some time now. I wrote the beginning of this while I was in… what, second year of middle school? Wow, I've fallen behind. Updates for this will happen AFTER Chaos in the Mafia. Good news, however. I have finally figured out how to get google docs on my phone, and this means- drumroll please!

No more losing my work when my iPad dies! No restarting an entire story just because I forgot to sync! No more- you get it. Let's move on, right? This is unbeta'd as I sort of… finished this and then posted it. Expect of errors. If anyone wants to go and beta this for me, I'd be eternally thankful (even more so if you stay on for the entire story).

Chapter One

There was no funeral for the woman who had been burnt to a crisp within her own home. There were no cries of sadness at the loss of a woman who was too air headed to fully notice that her son came home every day with bruises and bleeding cuts. There was no mourning in a graveyard or at some stone marker. There wasn't really any grave marker to mourn at. Just a couple of poorly stacked together rocks that marked the place where the house where a bullied boy and an air-headed mother once lived. No seemed to really notice the whole affair either; like a spell had been cast on the entirety of the Namimori that prevented people from actually doing anything about the burnt down house and the lone child who was now without any parents.

Oh, people would comment every now and then about how Tsuna was doing well despite his mother having died and his father abandoning his useless-son, but one ever once mentioned about how he was feeling, if he had moved from the burnt down house and if he was well. It was like the Sawada family had this curse on them that stopped others from helping them, and while many people who were in a similar situation would take advantage of the 'curse of being invisible to everyone' and do something, Tsuna couldn't help but feel empty.

He wasn't mourning the loss of his mother. He wasn't crying over his lost family. He hadn't really had them to begin with. He had a woman who took care of him, but never really did anything to help him. He came home battered and bleeding, the woman would tell him that he was such a klutzy boy and that he should wash up before dinner. If he came home not understanding his homework, she would tell him that she would help him in a little, but then never get around to doing it. The woman didn't have a husband, as far as Tsunayoshi could tell. If she did, he bet that the man was was far, far away and staying away on purpose. The woman wasn't really a mother- kind and nurturing. Tsuna knew the definition of a family. The kindergarten teacher asked the class to draw a picture of their family, after describing what a family was.

A family was a mother and father caring for their child- or children- in a warm and loving environment. A family was always together despite its shortcomings. A family was kind, gentle, loving, and was full of laughter and happiness. Sometimes, the teacher went on, a family consisted of two parents who were the same gender. Sometimes a family would have more than two parents.

Tsuna, understanding that the woman he had to call mother didn't fit into that category, asked the teacher what to draw if he didn't have a family. The teacher had tried to gently explain to Tsuna that while he may have had only a mother, the woman was his family. Tsuna, in all his childish wisdom, informed the teacher that the woman did none of the things listed that define a family.

That had been the end of the conversation, and Tsuna's mother got a call from the school informing her that her son wasn't being very cooperative with the other students and was refusing to work on anything assigned by the teacher.

Tsuna didn't really get into trouble. His mother had told him that they would have a talk, and then she proceeded to forget about everything when she started working on dinner.

As said, Tsuna wasn't really mourning or feeling any pain at losing the woman. Of course, Tsuna didn't want to forget the woman and for everything that she taught him to not be, and built a little stone grave in the burnt down ashes of what used to be the house he lived in. Tsuna refused to forget about the woman like she had him. He refused to let himself be taken in by the strange curse that Namimori had on the Sawada family. Instead, he would find his own little ways to defy the mysterious curse, and maybe then he could find someone who would care for him as a parent should.

Couple years later, however, and thirteen year old Tsunayoshi gave up trying to do the right thing. Stealing to survive was as easy as breathing, as the strange curse that kept people from really taking note of him wasn't discriminating and meant that people tended to 'forget' him if he robbed them of something. Mind you, Tsuna never took anything that was far too valuable and he always made sure that he wasn't being watched. Tsuna had no doubt that one day that that strange curse-and-blessing that was surrounding him would somehow just 'disappear' and then Tsuna would be left stranded with none of the protections that he was well used to. It was just… living in Japan on your own while being unable to actually do any sort of job meant that Tsuna was forced to find alternate methods. Every Time Tsuna tried to get any kind of job, it was always the same response. 'Sorry kid. You need to go to school first'. It was kind of hard to go to school if you couldn't pay for it, Tsuna learned very quickly.

It was during one of his self-appointed stealing sessions that he ran into trouble for the first time.

Two people noticed him, and made sure to reprimand him for what he had done as well as to ensure that Tsuna returned the small handful of yen that he had taken from the woman who was still blissfully walking down the street without a care in the world.

That confirmed that the strange curse over him was still working, so Tsuna was left staring wide-eyed at the two people who had actually seen him and not idly noticed him from the back corner of their mind and and then promptly forgot all about him.

Of course, the fact the two people who noticed him were infant-sized, and carrying guns might have had something to do with Tsuna's incredulous stare. But if ever asked, Tsuna would point it all to the fact that they were staring at him, not through him, and were happily glaring at him for doing something children shouldn't be doing.

"Oi, kora!" The male infant, who was wearing camo-colored clothing, had an falcon perched comfortably on his blond head and wore a glass-blue pacifier around his neck, spoke up with narrowed sky blue eyes and a frown. "What would your parents think if they found you stealing from people?" The other infant, a female with messy blue hair held up by red goggles, a flame-colored tattoo on her right cheek, a red cape and a glass pacifier hanging around her neck that alternated between being grey and black depending on the angle of the lighting, had a frown on her face too, but the female hadn't spoke a word. Those cold, condescending eyes that spoke of how disappointed she was were dangerous enough, and Tsuna was just fine not testing out how dangerous her words could be.

Tsuna glanced off to the side a little and tucked his knees closer to his chest where the infants had sat him down so they could talk to him. "Mama died and I don't have a father." The response to this was that the two infant-sized people glanced at each other actually looking surprised. That surprise was only intensified when the blond asked if Tsuna knew his full name.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi." The pure horrified look on the female's face was almost enough to have Tsuna laughing, if there hadn't been this weird part in the back of his mind going 'DANGER!' over and over again in loud ringing pulses. The two infants turned to each other and quickly started conversing in a language that Tsuna had never heard before. The two had this weird look on their face, and Tsuna didn't have much to wander about why the two could see him when everyone else couldn't as the infants turned to Tsuna and the blond had this extremely pleased grin on his face while the woman looked a bit on the upset side.

"What do you say about having us as parents, kora?" The blond asked without so much as a prelude to the absurd request. "I know it's a bit unorthodox, kora, but we don't mind taking care of you." There must have been something in Tsuna's blank-eyed, stunned gaze, because the female huffed and spoke up.

"What the idiot means to say," The woman only paused long enough to smack the blond upside the head, which made Tsuna giggle slightly when the blond sent the blue haired woman an offended look that bordered on hurt, "it that we're both legal adults, despite not looking the part, and that we'd like to care for you."

"Did you just hear him, kora? He just laughed at my pain! You're not related and I can already say you're too much alike, kora!"

The woman huffed and glared at her partner. "Also, stop pouting. You should know by now that those little childish tricks don't work on me."

Collonello, if that was the blond haired infant's name, sighed. "Yeah, kora. They really don't. There are some days I think you might be a demon-in-human-skin, and that you relish in the tears of others." This got a negative reaction out of the woman, and she and Collonello started to go off into their own little world of an argument that Tsuna couldn't help but watch with wonder.

Not wanting to break up the absolutely ridiculous argument over... training sheep, self-exploding practice guns , and… did they mention… rubber horses?

Okay, Tsuna didn't want to follow the conversation anymore and decided that he actually DID want to break up the argument. The mental image of sheep, exploding guns and rubber horses weren't mixing well in his head, and he didn't want to give them a chance to try and clarify that fuzzy and odd picture.

"Why would you want to adopt me?" Tsuna spoke up and a bit of a frown. He was happy these people were paying attention to him- actually seeing him and and not through him- but why would completely new people want to bother with him?

What did they want?

"I'm Dame-Tsuna, as everyone calls me. No one has ever bothered with me since mama died. Why you?"

"Because Lal's always wanted a kiddo, Kora!" Collonello spoke up with a smile, and was promptly smacked upside the head by the woman- Lal.

"That's not it, idiot! Don't put words in my mouth!" The other infant, Lal, smacked Collonello again and Tsuna couldn't help but outright laugh despite a small hysterical part in his brain still trying to be rational and tell him that the infants weren't what they seemed- and they could see him! They were talking to him and they were seeing him and were wanting to adopt him!

But the infants were so funny and cute together! It was.. it was warming and light to be around them, and Tsuna hadn't felt warm or welcomed since his mama had died.

And it was glorious.

And before he realized it, he had asked if he was going to be getting a name change and if he could call the two 'mama' and 'papa'.

And the infants had been pleased, and they had accepted him.

Tsuna couldn't believe it, yet it happened.

And Tsunayoshi got a name change, and apparently so did Collonello, because the male baby didn't have a last name he was attached to.

Mirch. Tsunayoshi Mirch.

It was odd, completely unorthodox, and quite possibly a sign that he was going insane, but Tsunayoshi loved it.

And his love didn't even begin to falter when Mama and Papa registered him for school again. Bullies, useless teachers, taunting, degrading nicknames, and even the demonic Namimori Perfect couldn't stop the happiness that filled him.

Not even the fact that his now legal guardians were technically babies that carried guns and had a thing about domestic violence- never directed at him, thankfully- could dampen his happy mood.

Actually, one thing could dampen his mood, and Tsunayoshi wasn't all that surprised that his very first class was science and that he had Nezu-sensei as his teache. Tsunayoshi had heard rumors about the science teacher from some of the upperclassmen. Nezu-sensei meant tests, tests, tests, and a complete lack of understanding anything.

Of course, Tsunayoshi had a test that very day and Nezu-sensei hadn't believed that he hadn't been in middle school before and had said 'too bad, Mirch-kun' right before he handed a thirty-page test packet to him and walked away.

Tsunayoshi's happiness died a little at that, and not even being able to talk to two of the more popular people in the school had been able to cheer him up.

Don't get him wrong, Sasagawa Kyoko and Yamamoto Takeshi were both really nice people, but Kyoko had this weird 'monkey-hating' friend named Hana (Tsunayoshi giggled at the name and received a glare) and Takeshi had his friends from the baseball that kept trying to play 'keep away' with him and distracted Takeshi with the delight he had by the name of Baseball.

By the final class, which Tsuna was pleased (and disappointed) to say was gym, Tsuna realized that just because he had been gone from the school for quite a few years didn't mean people forgot about him. Gym was also a physical class, and if students could get physical, it meant that violence could also happen and the teachers would just rub it off as a side-effect of Tsunayoshi having either been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or it had been Tsunayoshi who had initiated the whole thing.

By the end of Gym, Tsunayoshi was covered in bruises and small cuts, and a referral that was completely unwarranted- he hadn't thrown a single punch and it wasn't his fault he couldn't dodge the basketballs aimed at his head.

By the time Tsunayoshi made it back to the house that Lal and Collonello bought, he was tired and aches he hadn't realized he had were acting up. Tsunayoshi was dreading handing the referral to either of his parents (and now that he had come down from his high, he was panicking over how they would react and if they'd be like his mama) and he didn't wish to upset his parents.

His parents which he knew absolutely nothing about aside from the fact that they weren't what they seemed, and were highly dangerous.

Parents which were infants.

And then Tsunayoshi had no chance to duck out and tuck his tail between his legs because he had opened the front door, uttered a 'I'm back' and made his way to the kitchen where Collonello was cooking (Tsunayoshi never questioned it- especially after he tried Lal's cooking) and Lal was taking apart a gun and cleaning i it with a very critical eye.

"Welcome back, kora!" Collonello paused his cooking long enough to greet Tsuna and ask two questions that had even Lal looking up a bit. "How was school? I don't think you'd get this busted just from a single day? Did ya have gym all day, kora?"

"A-ah… no…" Tsunayoshi began to fidget where he stood and began to worry the piece of paper in his pocket that claimed he was a trouble-maker. "Just the last class was gym…"

"What's got you in a twist?" Lal had put the gun don the table and has Tsunayoshi's undivided attention. That little frown on her face coupled with his now-realized paranoia of how he had been adopted by infants he knew nothing about had him wanting to run away, cry his heart out, and curl up in a dark and wet back alley road- something that had very quickly become a home for Tsunayoshi when he had no place to be and he refused to sleep on the streets in such an open place.

"I… I've got a detention referral…" Tsuna hung his head downwards and took out the folded up piece of paper and handed it to Lal- he'd have handed to no one, but Collonello and Lal had both heard him loud and clear and where both giving him a weird look that he couldn't comprehend.

Lal read the piece of paper, rubbed eyes and then read the piece of paper again. She took a look at Tsunayoshi and then at the piece of paper in her hands, and then back and Tsunayoshi, and said in a voice that clearly told everyone of her disbelief, "... I find this to be bull shit." Lal ignored the 'Language!' that came from Collonello and instead turned to the piece of paper.

"Mirch-kun," Lal ignored the way it sounded weird to her, "has gotten detention for not only failing to show up to class for too many days- a feat which he should be suspended for if not for the generous disciplinary committee- but for starting a fight in the middle of gym and beating up a couple of his fellow classmate." Lal had a very displeased look on her face, and turning to her now-son, she asked what had happened.

"... I forgot that people really hate me… I'm called Dame-Tsuna for my inability to actually do anything right.. And while I haven't really been in school since I left in Kindergarten.. I forgot that doesn't really mean people would have just forgotten about me." Tsuna sat down when Lal motioned to the chair beside her. "People in gym decided that since the teacher was out and we were supposed to play dodgeball… that I'd be the one everyone aimed at. Sometimes they'd punch me just to make sure I'd get hit by the ball…"

Tsunayoshi was rewarded with a scoff, and Lal started to mumble things under her breath in that fascinating language that she and Collonello had spoken in before, and while Tsuna was enraptured by the language, Collonello was steadily growing pale.

"Lal! This isn't the army! What you do think you're about to do with the poor boy?!"

That got Tsuna's attention. What did the army have to do with anything? Sure, Tsunayoshi could respect the military, but the two infants..? Sure, they were dressed like military and they tended to be a bit on the strict side, but… They couldn't really be military, could they?

Tsuna got his answer just a few seconds later.

"Do you want to run the courses with him, 'Nello? You know I'll make you- it's been far too long since I've see you even so much as practice! Have you gotten soft while not working under my teaching? Don't think you ever got that promotion!"

"Yes ma'am. I know, ma'am. I haven't ma'am. I know, ma'am." Collonello had this weird look on his face, and Lal promptly froze.

"... did I hear you right? You want to go through another of my training exercises?" Tsunayoshi's eyes were jumping from his mother to his father and back again rapidly, trying to figure out where this conversation was going. What did Collonello mean by the army, and what did Lal mean by training? Who would be training, and what for? He hadn't signed up for anything… had he?

The odd feeling in the back of his head that felt heavy did nothing to sooth him.

"I'll do it for the kid, kora. I know how brutal you can be. He needs someone other than you to be there, kora." Collonello spoke, and without waiting for Lal to respond, moved a couple of plates (Tsuna was morbidly curious about how such a tiny infant could carry three plates full of food from the kitchen to the table without dropping a single one) over and told everyone to dig in.

The food was a little more than bland, but at least it was edible and Tsunayoshi could actually identify what Collonello was making. Unlike Lal, who Tsunayoshi decided to not even think about because he wanted to have an appetite for the food before him, and he wanted to eat without hurling it all into the toilet later.

'I thought of Mama's food' wasn't a very good impression one's son could leave. Fortunately, Collonello held no such regards and had happily informed Lal that she was banned from the kitchen- and that he could do it because he was also making payments on the house and thus was allowed to help dictate who could and couldn't do what regarding the house.

And it was a pretty house too. It was nothing fancy and lavish, but it was cosy and snug without feeling suffocating and stuffy. The living room was actually the biggest part of the house- if one ignored the basement and attic (both of which he was asked to stay out of for a bit). The living room held access to the hallway that led to the second floor, the kitchen, the stairs to lead into the basement, and also held access to the lockable side-yard where there was a lovely little garden plot that Tsunayoshi had been a little excited about, much to the surprise of both his parents.

Tsunayoshi had always loved to garden- he could thank… was he supposed to call his deceased mother by her name now that he had another mother? Tsunayoshi never once thought of her as such, but she still was more of a parent than his father was, so didn't she deserve at least that much respect? Tsunayoshi could thank his first mother for getting him started on gardening, but the fact that their house had no closed off back yard and that anyone could just come by and ruin things had made him hesitant to do anything that could be considered 'girly'. Gardening was not only rewarding, it was calming and gave him something to use his hands on. It was something that got him out of the house, something that his first mother had been very happy about, and it got him to work off a bit of his restlessness.

The house that Lal and Collonello had been picky about had a closed off yard. There was a front yard, yes, but the only way to access the back or side yard were by going through the house or by climbing over the fences- something that Collonello had been very happy to demonstrate, much to Lal's annoyance.

(Tsuna faintly registered in the back of his mind that his parents, while they loved each other and denied it, took every chance they could to go and annoy the other. Tsuna wondered if he could one day join in that fun banter without feeling awkward.)

In many ways, the house that Lal and Collonello picked out was similar to the house that he had lived in before, but whereas the living room hadn't been all that big with his first mother nor had it been used despite being heavily decorated, this living room was decorated lightly and Tsuna could often find either of his new parents doing something there. Be it Collonello reading a newspaper that was far bigger than he was in the little green and white striped chair that sat triangle to the rightmost corner or his mother grumbling about paperwork while sitting on the coffee table that was smack-dab in the middle of the room, right next to one of the two couches. Occasionally Tsuna could catch Falco, Collonello's pet falcon, making it's own version of a nest within the weird monkey-bar like structure that the baby had gotten for his pet. (The less said about Lal's choice of a pet, the better. Tsunayoshi was going to take the fact that he had shirked and ran away to the grave- it didn't matter what his parents said! He didn't! Besides, you'd shriek too if you saw a giamt mutant insect making itself a cozy little nest on your bed!)

The upper floors were mostly the bedrooms and two bathrooms- one in the hall and the other connected to Lal and Collonello's room- and Tsunayoshi could honestly say he hadn't expected rooms could be small, yet feel giant.

Maybe it was the positioning of all that furniture (a bed, a desk, he had a walk-in closet, and a couple of bookshelves), or maybe it was the fact that the room was brand new to him, but the room felt… empty and void of feeling, unlike the rest of the house, the empty feeling made the room feel too big and feel like it was going to swallow him.

Tsunayoshi decided that it was most likely just because he hadn't lived in the room long enough- it was bound to feel like 'home' after he was in for a bit. A bit of personalization, and the feeling would go away. That was all, right? Nodding his head, Tsunayoshi set to eating his dinner with a bit more enthusiasm.

His parents had already proven themselves to be a bit better than his previous ones, and that was enough for him.

Then Tsunayoshi began 'training' right after dinner, and he now understood why Collonello looked sick when Lal mentioned training him. She had good intentions and all, wanting to help make sure her child wasn't tripping over his own two feet and could have the strength to defend himself from the bullies, but her method of going about this… Tsunayoshi shuddered.

Lal could be a demon; Collonello had been right.

Somehow, Tsunayoshi felt bad for Collonello, despite the fact that he seemed to laugh and fing away the insults and debris flying towards him (even if said debris were sometimes actual sharpened blades). Lal had yet to use any sort of sharp objects on him, preferring to stick with rubber and foam, but… Watching Lal happily fling real knives and other sharp pointy objects at her husband…

Tsunayoshi couldn't hide the wince he had when he saw Collonello just narrowly avoid being skewered by a spear that Lal really shouldn't have been able to pick up as it was a little over ten times her size.

Actually… where had the spear even come from?

Tsunayoshi was pulled out of his thoughts as a bright pink rubber ball hit him square in the face and just about knocked him over, and he was sitting down too. Knocking sitting people over was a hard thing to do! Lal had some serious throwing power in that arm of hers. Tsunayoshi actually felt a bruise begin to form the moment he managed to balance himself and blink away the stars.

"Stay focused, Tsunayoshi." Lal scolded him, a frown and narrowed eyes were directed straight at him. "You need to be aware of your surroundings." Tsuna blushed, ducked his head and uttered an apology.

"I understand being new to this and all, and while I might be saving the more dangerous objects for the idiot who is now your father, it doesn't mean that the objects I am tossing at you aren't going to hurt." Tsunayoshi nodded his head and tried to focus on the balls that were being flung at him, but no matter how hard he tried, he felt sluggish and heavy, and he felt that there was a part of him that felt like it wasn't him. He had no idea why he felt like that- he was himself and no one else, but he was pretty confident that if he mentioned that a part of him just felt off people would either laugh, call him too young to be having those kind of problems, or look at him funny and tell him to stop seeking attention.

Besides, he had got gotten new parents that were actually trying to help him. Why would he want to burden them with how useless he was?

"-na. Tsunayoshi!" Collonello's voice brought him back into reality. "What's wrong? You spaced out right after Lal told you stay focused. Normally that'd get a couple of grenades in your face, kora, so Lal must really like ya."

Blushing again, Tsuna ducked his heads and uttered another apology, and them Tsuna felt something flood his body; a feeling of being at ease and total peacefulness and safety that had him relaxing and spilling the beans, and Tsunayoshi paid no attention to the dirty look that Lal sent Collonello. All Tsunayoshi could pay attention to was the beautiful and warm light blue glow of his father's pacifier and a feeling he hadn't felt so strongly since before his mother had died.

"I see, kora…" Collonello frowned, turned to Lal and said something in that strange and wonderful language, and then told Tsuna to go inside and work on any homework he had and that he'd be inside in a little to help him.

Once Tsunayoshi had shut the door that led to the backyard, Collonello and Lal got into a heated debate.

When Tsuna saw them again, both looked like no one had won and that they had taken 'domestic violence' up a notch and had taken a beating by having a rockslide land on them.

How the two got twigs in their hair when there weren't any trees on the property, Tsunayoshi… Actually, Tsunayoshi didn't want to know. Denial might just be the best option there is at the moment, and he had math and science to work on.

Both of which he couldn't understand. He somewhat understood his history and language homework- all he had to do was read and answer questions from the book, but math and science? Tsuna couldn't even begin to understand what the heck was on the pages before him.

Laughably enough, neither did Collonello.

Actually, small lie. Collonello had sat through two grueling hours with Tsunayoshi slowly explaining each question and the formulas that went with each question and how to use those formulas. It was right after Collonello and Tsuna had finished with the math that they had trouble. One look at the gibberish that was written on the piece of paper had Collonello seeing doubles and frowning.

"Mind if I borrow this for a bit, kora?" Collonello has asked shortly after he told Tsunayoshi to get ready for bed. "I think I know someone who can help out. Sadly, I'm going to need to borrow this, kora."

"Go for it, papa." Tsuna yawned and made his way upstairs, uncaring that he was most likely going to get into trouble with his science teacher for not having completed his homework. It was a bad way to make a first impression, but the man had out-right insulted Tsuna and had called him out in the middle of class.

Tsuna wasn't going to try and play nice.


End file.
